The Computer Gods

So I currently somehow got myself involved in two research studies, both involving statistical analysis. I don't really know what I was thinking. I blame some new medication that makes me feel really weird and randomly fall over. The thing is, though, I've never actually taken statistics. Or any math. Since college algebra/trig my junior year of high school.

Because they are maybe high or really really hungover, my professors don't seem to mind that I know nothing about statistics. They will calmly ask me if I can "run a regression analysis on the GDP and MDP. Actually, run a regression analysis for all the data. And have it to me by Friday." And, because I am maybe high or really really hungover, I go, "Okay."

Which leads me to my point: The Computer Gods. Stats has some cool programs that do things like regression analysis for you, even if you have no idea what is going on. The problem is that you have to input random letters and numbers and symbols in order to make the program give you some incomprehensible data that you bring to your professor and pretend you know what it means.

Here is a typical conversation between me and The Computer Gods:

Me: I need a P value. What the heck is a P value. I don't know. Well, look, some code off the internet. Let's see what it does.

Input: [pnorm]

Computer Gods: ERROR!! ERROR!! YOU MADE AN ERROR! HEY LOOK YOU MADE AN ERROR!!!!

Me: I'm sorry! Okay, okay. Look, some more random code.

Input: [pnorm-1(2.19)

Computer Gods: ad;lfjeawo;i5u349020932 refl;aksdj standard+** F2 elr3 x = 23. 15 % 3#@) N.

Me: Copy. Paste. Okay.

Love,

Lizzy