A while back I posted Allie Brosh's procrastination chart. Since I'm currently procrastinating, I decided to get more specific with the 5 Stages of Procrastination.
Stage One: Denial
You feel safe and secure. You don't have stuff to do. Well, you have stuff, but it's not due for like two weeks. You have plenty of time. In fact, it would be a bad idea to start doing the stuff now. You are sure there are negative repercussions. "I work better under pressure!" you say loudly, usually to people who don't care and are confused by your psychotic outbursts.
Stage Two: Pain and Guilt
You haven't done any of your stuff, and now all of it is due tomorrow. What happened to all your time? You hide your deep-seated feelings of worthlessness by pretending you meant to not do the stuff all along. "I work better under pressure!!" you scream hysterically. Fellow patrons of the library look at you, pretending to be shocked, but you are sure they secretly all know how lazy and useless you are.
Stage Three: Anger and Bargaining
You still haven't done of the stuff, but that's because your boss/teacher is a horrible person for giving you this stuff to do. They are TRYING to make you miserable by giving you stuff to do. Your life is a facsimile of a sham. You shouldn't have to do the stuff at all. Maybe because you're a good person, you'll make your teacher/boss a steak instead. That is much more useful than doing the stuff.
Stage Four: Crippling Depression
You still haven't done any of the stuff, and now it is late and you know you will be penalized for not doing the stuff. You are convinced your life is pointless and you will always fail. You still don't do any of the stuff.
Stage Five: Ulcers and Panic Attacks
You suddenly feel a violent compulsion to do the stuff. You stay home from work/school for days to do the stuff. You do 80% of the stuff. Suddenly, you feel much better. You are such a winner!! You feel you should now reward yourself by not doing any stuff indefinitely.
REPEAT UNTIL DEAD.
Love,
Lizzy ;)
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